My life and other things that have happened

It's been a very long time since I posted on this blog. After my dad died, I found it hard to talk, write, work, just about everything really. All but the most important things fell by the wayside. But as I start my fifth year in Taiwan, I feel the need to write about where I am today.  It's 8.45am and I have three days left before I go back to work. I am not excited. Last school year was pretty brutal and I finished in June feeling physically and mentally exhausted. Work is full on, all the time. No rest, no break, and holidays used to recover. Hence the reason I'm not excited to go back. My anxiety levels are already at an all time high. I keep trying to reassure myself that this year will be different (I've finally got another assistant), but so far my brain remains unconvinced. Lets hope I can prove it wrong! The best part of this past school year was getting married. A beautiful highlight. It was an amazing day, filled with love and joy. I couldn't have ask...

I've been thinking about my dad a lot lately. Since he died that's been a very hard thing to do. Even now I find it almost impossible to do so without crying.  While dad was in hospital, he was visited regularly by various members of the clergy. In his last days, I think that he must have been visted by a member of the Catholic ministry because among his things that we took home was a rosary. I don't know why I kept it. I'm not Catholic. I just can't seem to part with it. It's always in my bag and goes with me wherever I go. It's crazy really. It seems to have become some sort of talisman to me. I panic at the thought of losing it. Maybe there's something symbolic in that, I don't know.  All I know is that my dad is gone, and I've lost the most important man in my life. I've lost his words, his music, his memories, his ridicuous jokes. I try desperately to hold on to the things that I remember about him so that I can share them with other...

According to the China Post, this is my destiny for the year: You are clever, and your energetic personality will propel you to accomplish tasks with impressive results. However, remember to focus  you energy on the task at hand. Sometimes events and encounters that fluster you may provoke your innate habit of reacting instantly. It will be helpful to control your impulses.  Well, can't say any fairer than that really. Though it does feel like  the newspaper is getting on at me about my dissertation ( "focus your energy on the task at hand" )! Or maybe that's just my own guilt about not having done any work on it in a while.  I can see myself in the rest of the horoscope too. I do tend to get flustered easily and react instantly.   When I was undergoing cognitive behaviour therapy a couple of years ago, I found that I was much calmer and less likely to react instantly to situations. I ended up being very laid back, to the point of not being bothered by ...

This is the story of my sister collecting my dad's ashes from the funeral home. It is told by her. I went over on the bus to collect dad, with Jesse in his pushchair. It had occurred to me that I would need something to bring him home in, something with a flat bottom.... All I could think of was a gift bag. I rummaged through our stash in the under stairs cupboard but the only one I could find that was the right sort of size was a sparkly Santa bag. I looked at it briefly before deciding that it would be fine. It wasn't the nicest of days; rainy and cold and we were both bundled up. Before heading to the Funeral Director, whose office is by the bus stop, I went to do some shopping in tesco. Perhaps more shopping than I had intended and by the time I got out of there I had three bags and a pack of nappies hanging off the handles. It was raining even more and Jesse and I dashed down to the funeral directors and bustled into the quiet, dimly lit offices with a little less decor...

In the months following our return to Taipei, Dad's health went up and down. There was always hope he might recover but it soon started to dwindle after he had emergency surgery to correct a fault with the PEG that was put into his stomach. In the end all the hopes and prayers were spent and he passed away a few weeks ago. I thank God that James and I made it back to the UK in time. Being with him at the end and being able to say goodbye was terribly hard but I'd have been inconsolable if I hadn't been there.  In the weeks that come and gone since my return to Taipei I've found it very hard. Some days are better than others but there is always an underlying pain in my chest. Having friends (and James) around has made it easier. Work has provided me with time to think of other things. A mind spent solely on grief is one that tires easily.  I've been struggling to listen to music since Dad died. It's always provided me with comfort but now I just can't lis...

James and I went home on the 20th June for our summer break. The hopes of a nice relaxing holiday we're put on hold when my father was taken into hospital the day we got back. The last month has been emotionally and physically exhausting. I don't like saying it but I wasn't sure whether he was going to survive this time. He looked so frail and weak and the doctors were very concerned. Thankfully after five weeks in hospital, he's going to be discharged soon. It was hard leaving my family to come home, but I'm glad I left knowing he was going to be ok and now I can take some time to rest and get myself ready for the new school year.  Taipei continues to be as hot as ever. The pool is open so I've been taking advantage of it when I can. James and I have both been hit hard by jet lag and recently we've been sleeping in shifts. He's going to sleep early and waking up in the early hours of the morning and I'm going to sleep late and getting up late. It...

I love my new library. It's so pretty and full of life. It has puppets and murals and bean bags galore! I could not be a happier librarian if I tried :) It's spread across two floors (juniors downstairs and infants upstairs). My favourite place is the reading area with the bean bags and the boat. It's like a little haven for reading. Here are a few photos for you to enjoy!